So, I was in this small local bookstore in San Francisco’s Richmond neighborhood, and I came across The Definitive Book on Body Language by Babara and Alan Pease, and was intrigued as I have always been interested in body language. So, I’ve picked it up in fits and starts, and was finally able to finish on my week long camping/kayaking trip near the Columbia Glacier in Alaska. Which I’ll tell you from personal experience, is not water that you want to do a wet exit into, as it would more appropriately be termed ice water with the icebergs floating past, but I digress.

As for the book, I think I’ll start with this, I normally look at books on Amazon and see the ratings before I buy the book. This being an impulse buy, and me being literally with no access to the internet as I read it, I hypothesized for a bit as to the ultimate rating of the book. My personal take was 2.5 – 3 stars. It turns out it is one of the best rated books on body language out there at 4.5 stars.

Such a high rating is disheartening, as it is a book filled with unsubstantiated and prescriptive asides, such as “Those who carry large, bulking briefcases are thought to do all the work and probably take home work because they are poor time managers.” This would be bad enough if they didn’t then repeat themselves time and again. For example, “large, bulky briefcases are carried by those who do all the work and are perceived as not being sufficiently organized to get things done on time.” I couldn’t make these quotes up.

Perhaps the authors would have been better suited writing in body language rather than the English language. They would have had a far more effective book if they stuck to the body language analysis, which they were actually pretty good at explaining, as opposed to sections on how humor heals, ending with statements like “This explains why happy people rarely get sick and miserable but complaining people often seem to be ill.”

OK, so up until now, I haven’t really panned a book on my blog, as I want this to be a place where I share new ideas and concepts that I think are important. So having panned the writing, let me praise the ideas a bit here. The book gives concrete examples of body language and what the persons body is saying, things that seem simple such as crossed arms indicate a negative or defensive attitude to something a bit more nuanced like leg position and foot pointing indicating interest in social courtship situations (in fact after reading the courtship signals section, I can’t wait to people watch at a bar). There is also a good discussion of handshakes, and how people with the literal upper hand figuratively have the upper hand in a negotiation.

Where the book truly offers something beyond the reading of body language, and not just offering pat explanations is in its discussion of mirroring. This is where people will mimic each other’s body language to the point that they look like a mirror of the other person. This is something that can be voluntary, but is most likely happening at a subconscious level. This tends to put each other at ease if you are both in a positive body position (open arms, open palms) and tends to tense you up if you are in a negative body position (arms and legs crossed, or aggressive posturing such as a pre-fight posture). The big key that needs to be emphasized here is self-awareness of one’s own body language, so that you are putting people at ease rather than on the defensive. Also, the more open you are in your own body language the more relaxed you will feel.

The Definitive Book of Body Language at Amazon

The authors’ website Pease International